stupid dream

Processed beats.

2009-06-18T02:33:00.015+03:00

Before I say a thing, I must apologize for the horrible, horrible picture quality - there was no way for me to drag my huge sized SLR to the other side of Finland just for a) other drunken people to steal it or b) it to break into 1000 pieces. So instead I brought my Canon Ixus along - it's basically a 4-year-old piece of shit and refused to work most of the time but at least I wouldn't have even shed a tear in case something had happened to it. The good thing is that I did get pictures of some kind at least - and, thadadada, video clips! Hurray for shitty pocket cameras!

However, before I get into the amazing weekend of Provinssi Rock, I just gotta show you this:

Guess who got to see Metallica with Maija on monday! Ha! Ha! Ha! Frankly speaking, I had to squeeze all of my remaining energy and voice together in order to not get a heart attack and stay alive throughout the concert since I hadn't slept in the past 4 days or so - but somehow I managed to survive, the gig was unbelievably great and definitely got the blood flowing again inside of my veins. Just as good as what it was in 2007. Superrr.

As for Provinssi Rock Fest in Seinäjoki - yes, I did make it there after all, for the love for pain killers - what can I say? 4 days filled with nothing but non-stop music, booze, sun (+ occasional rain that was, in fact, refreshing) and great, great, GREAT people. Made new friends, hung out with some old ones, stayed awake until 6am partying, slept until noon, woke up, drank beer for breakfast, drank beer for lunch, drank beer just for the heck of it. Anything better than that? Don't think so. It was my third Provinssi Rock and sixth festival in total - and definitely not the last one!

Here's the list of the gigs that I managed to see over the weekend:

Placebo

the Ting Tings

Volbeat

Baddies

VETO

Supergrass

Editors

the Crash

Emiliana Torrini

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

I'd waited 5 years to see Placebo live - all worth it. Couldn't help but burst in tears as they played Special K, Bitter End and Follow the Cops Back Home. Sure there were songs that I'd been waiting for them to play but in the end they didn't, such as Twenty Years, but still, the gig left me breathless. Quite literally.

Also VETO, Editors, Baddies and the Ting Tings gave me chills - I just let the music and the rhythm take control of me. Such great gigs, all of the ones that I saw, actually. I danced and sang so much that my throat and feet are still sore, really.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME! THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"

On sunday night, after Nick Cave's performance, it was time for us to pack things up and head back home to Helsinki. The fact that we didn't have a car to get us home turned out to be a slight problem since the trains were fully booked and Jade had run out of money - in the end she managed to get a ride all the way to the south and, as for myself, I got to squeeze into a train car filled with hundreds of tired yet happy people. Didn't get home until 3am and goshhhhI can't even describe the feeling of how good it felt to get to sleep in my very own bed after 3 nights spent inside of a leaking tent. 4 days was just long enough time for me to start missing home. Still, the journey was worth every single bruise and every single minute.

Day 1:

Day 2:

Rock'n'roll train, smoker car & drunken karaoke:

Tomorrow evening after work it'll be time for me to pack up my stuff again and drive all the way to Tuomas's summer cottage for the weekend with a group of awesome friends to celebrate mid summer. I haven't even recovered yet from the previous weekend but the following one should be a lot of fun as well and I can't wait. In case you don't hear from me within a couple of weeks I've probably died from either alcohol poisoning or lack of sleep.

Like eating glass.

2009-06-09T20:59:00.008+03:00

I hate hate hate being sick. Especially now that it had to happen only a couple of days before Provinssi Rock festival which I've been waiting for all spring long. Had to cancel the only few work shifts I would've had this week and right now I'm feeling mostly desperation towards the upcoming weekend - having problems with the weather, accommodation, money and transportation. Seems almost as if I shouldn't go. However, the ticket cost me 95 euros, the band list is pretty rad, the people going there are awesome and, most importantly, I'm really in need of some fun after such a slow-paced start of the summer. Not saying it's been bad, it's been all good and fun, but I just haven't had a chance to do a lot besides work, chilling and occasional clubbing. I need some variety for a change. As for the weather, what can I say, it's been cold, rainy and unnecessarily typical for the most part, I heard it was even snowing somewhere in Finland the other day. Where did the summer go?!

Anyhows, I've had a few chances to enjoy some decent heat as well. Yesterday, after spending a lazy yet fun weekend with no proper sleep (which is probably one of the reasons for why these stupid symptoms of this stupid flu had to occur), I felt like a zombie all day long so some friends came over to cheer me up. We prepared some Italian lunch, dragged my kitchen table out to the balcony and spent a few hours eating, laughing at some old photo albums and kicking back.

Right now I don't think I could feel any more frustrated than what I do.

I just want to get better for thursday and get things taken care of in order to be able to enjoy next weekend to the very fullest.

Start of something new.

2009-06-06T23:41:00.014+03:00

Graduation last week, what can I say. Worth the wait, everything went great, I was happy. Even the weather was perfect which rarely happens here in Finland and made the day even more special. I really couldn't get any sleep the night before, I was too excited to even close my eyes for a moment - and yet I was all awake already an hour before I had to get up.

The official graduation part itself went all good, I didn't end up falling or making a fool of myself as I'd been afraid of. I even got a freaking diploma for getting such high scores at Swedish marticulation exam - yeah, I know, I definitely wasn't the only one being all "WHAT"?! I guess I hadn't done that badly at school after all.

After the official part - or whatever you want to call it - we rushed to the place that our personal party for family and close friends was held at. The Casino was at the perfect spot on the coast, close to where we used to live at and my parents had had their wedding dinner at the very same place 20 years back - so it was kinda natural for us to end up renting that specific restaurant. And the choice couldn't have been better. 60 or so guests, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, everybody had a great time and enjoyed the day for sure.

All the pictures are taken by Sakari Röyskö.

Later on, after all that all day long lasting well-behaving, I was craving for a party - so we met up with some friends at a park, had a few drinks at Bar Colorado and ended up going to Redrum and partying till the dawn - a prefect end for the day. The feeling I had was indescribable, even strangers came to me on the streets to congratulate me for wearing the hat and finishing school. Made me feel unbelievably happy about everything. Thank you so much to all of you who were involved in any way that day, it really meant a lot to me.

Now that I officially have the white graduation hat on my head, it's finally starting to get to me that I'm really done with all the responsibilities for now. For just as long as I wish, I'll be able to do whatever I want with my life. That also means that the day I'll leave to travel around the world is drawing closer - less than two months to go! Wow. But before starting the final countdown, though, there will be whole a lot of things for me to do, including enjoying my summer in Finland - and being wonderfully carefree for once in my life. No worries, no stress, just the sweet taste of freedom, starting with ProvinssiRock festival next thursday. To put it simply, life is pretty damn awesome.

Bounce low, bounce high.

2009-05-29T23:55:00.013+03:00

Before hitting the bed to get my badly needed beauty sleep for graduation tomorrow (I'll have to wake up at 6:00am sharp) I just have to say a few words about these past few days that have been filled with nothing but live music, cheap beer, awesome people and mighty fun time.

Wednesday:

Sixgun Republic at Bar Loose.

Anna's boyfriend is the drummer so we went to their place first to get started with the party mood and after that headed to the gig. To be honest, I was expecting a screamo band with a bunch of guys jumping around and screaming their lungs out - instead, I got a Volbeat-like rockabilly band with quite awesome sounding tones. Such a positive surprise.

Thursday:

MSTRKRFT @ Virgin Oil Co with Jade and Jannika.

After all these months of waiting, what can I say. One of the best nights by far this year, no doubt about that.

How do you recognize a good DJ? You simply can't stop dancing before they turn on the lights and kick you out of the place. Remixes of Daft Punk, The Killers, even Queen - I was about to get a heart attack, that's how good it was. It was awesome, perfect, orgasmic.

Waking up this morning with Jade at my place was hard enough but waking up tomorrow is going to be even tougher. I've been just running around pointlessly today between 50 different places, getting all the last minute shopping done, trying my best to memorize everything at the graduation rehearsal...

Tomorrow's the day I've been waiting for for the past 13 years of my life - it's crazy, doesn't even seem real.

I can't recall the last time I felt this happy.

A hard day's night.

2009-05-25T00:14:00.012+03:00

Okay so I finally found a moment for updating this thing - it's 1am and yes, this in fact IS the only moment in 4 days that I found to just sit down and type on MacBook what's up with my life. Well, I'll tell you what's up. WORK, that's what's up. I had 12-hour shifts both today and yesterday, and I worked all Friday evening as well. Tomorrow I'll have a lighter day of only 6 hours but tuesday it's 12 hours again. But I can't complain, more hours is what I've been hoping for for the past month since they've been canceling almost half of my shifts so far and I need the money BAD right now in order to be able to pay my share of the around-the-world tickets by beginning of June. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't spend my summer this way. The job itself is not that bad, the customers are fun for the most part and I always have some interesting conversations with some of them. It's just physically exhausting and boring at times when there are no customers around. On Friday Mr. Andy McCoy (the lead guitar player or Hanoi Rocks) came in for a beer, actually. I've met him once before a year ago or so, and that time he borrowed my eyeliner before their gig. One of the oddest people you'll ever meet, I swear.

But yeah, enough of work.

There's another thing (don't hate me for the webcam):

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT? YES? NO? YES? YES? MAYBE?

It didn't take that long to attach the extensions on my hair after all, 3 hours or so. And neither did getting used to them, which came as a surprise to me. It's funny, I've (more or less) always been "the shorter the better"-type of a girl when it comes to hair - but right now I actually think I prefer this length. Not super long, but just enough, there's no way I could deal with longer hair than this. I'm not feminine enough for that.

Oh! Oh! AND! Almost forgot.

Last tuesday Maija, Marianna and myself got together to finally make this photo shoot thing for Marianna's portfolio happen. Something that we'd been talking about for a while and finally the weather was perfect enough. Maija is posing (and being absolutely fabulous, don't you think?!), Marianna did the styling and the makeup and as for me, I was behind the camera and chose the locations. Say what you say, I think they turned out better than great.

No, this was not all, we took over 500 pictures in total. Thanks to Maija for being so beautiful and so GODDAMN photogenic, it took me and Marianna 3 hours to pick out the best ones. Mwuah, I love you.

I can't believe I'm really graduating this week. After all these years, I'll be officially out of school. Feels unbelievable. This has got to be the start of something new.

All these things that I've done.

2009-05-19T00:33:00.011+03:00

In the past few days this is what my life has been mostly about.

Graduation invitations - meaning that we FINALLY got our final marticulation exam results last friday, after two long months of waiting. Not only did I pass but also my scores, believe it or not, exceeded all of my expectations. Since you may not be familiar with the Finnish grading system, the grade scale goes L, E, M, C, B, A, I - Laudatur being the best and Improbatur meaning "fail". I took my first exams already last spring since I didn't want to stress about all of them at once (which was one of the best decisions that I've ever made in my life), took five exams in total and this is what I got:

Swedish - L

English - E

Psychology - E

Finnish - M

Spanish - M

I couldn't help but literally scream in surprise when I saw my Swedish grade - I worked so hard on it though, and apparently it was worth it. In the beginning of the year I would've been completely happy with a C but I guess I improved quite a lot which made me so, so happy, even my teacher came to congratulate me for good job. And for once I was proud of myself.

So now that I can breathe in relief knowing that I'm done with high school for good and that I finally get to graduate in less than two weeks, I'm going to need to use all of my energy on the planning of the graduation party. It's definitely going to be the day to remember in my life and I still have a bunch of things to be taken care of, including the last 20 or so invitations that I've been working on for a week now. I've got 30 done, 20 more to go and the ones that I have left on my list, well, I'll just send them an invitation in the form of a text message and hope that they'll forgive me. Making 50+ invitation cards by hand was a bitch to do, and I know I can only blame myself for that since I wanted the cards to look good and elegant, instead of just typing something lame on computer and printing them out. Today, after 6 hours of sitting on my desk and paper clipping and glueing, my head was about to explode and I was craving for an easy way out so I just decided to leave them more or less plain anyhows. Well, I wasted two whole days and too much money on them so people better be happy and not just throw the cards straight into the trash bin.

Apart from the invitations, I've got most of the other things under control now. Dress? Check! Shoes? Check! Getting hair extensions in two days and I'm a little scared of how they will turn out. I have a clear picture in my mind of how I want them to look like, using The Kills singer Alison Mosshart as my main source of inspiration.

Someone told me I look like her - if I had to name a style icon whose wardrobe I'd love to own, it'd most definitely be her. I hope that I'll be able to pull that hair off.

So anyhows, as I told you I totally flipped over my final scores which made me kind of lose control of my use of money that day, rewarding myself of the work I'd done and I still think I deserved it. Jade and I spent the whole day strolling around Helsinki city and both of us managed to find some great pieces - I bought a bright hot pink hoodie, an Ed Hardy-style T-shirt and an accessory for my grad outfit.

Besides spending money on clothes, I also invested on getting hammered that night - and that investment turned out to be a great success! It was Jannika's 20th birthday so we first got started at her place in the outskirts of Helsinki and later found ourselves at this bar called Pacifico.

Eurovision song contest party on saturday was simply awesome as well - BBQ, drinking contest and the people were hot and the music was definitely not, just the way it was supposed to be. Let's face it, 4 hours of laughing our asses off at the artists' ridiculous outfits, dance moves and song lyrics... Eurovision has got to be the most entertaining show there is. At 2am, after watching Norway kicking everybody's ass with the hot violin guy and Finland failing miserably, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet home so I walked home, saw a car accident happening on my way over there and went straight to sleep.

Tomorrow we're going to have a photo shoot for Marianna's portfolio - I'll be placed behind the camera and Maija's going to be infront of it. Gonna be fun for sure. And I still have a pile of cards to be written on my desk so, adiós amigos for now!

Only happy when it rains.

2009-05-11T01:53:00.007+03:00

On saturday it was time for me to get started with my late spring closet inventory - I decided to simply toss all of my clothes that I hadn't worn in a long time and, no matter how I was trying to deny it, never again would've. So I spent hours and hours going through my closet and ended up, surprisingly, packing up over half of my clothes in boxes, bags and suitcases and taking them to a flea market at 6am on Mothers' day with my friend Salla.

And who said that my car's too small to fit a thing in it?

Despite the fact that we didn't get as much sold in those 8 hours as we'd hoped, the day was quite fun nonetheless with lots of coffee and fun people around.

I didn't really care about the profit, I just wanted to get rid of my old things - I feel like starting all over again with some certain things in my life, including my wardrobe, apartment and lifestyle. My way to celebrate the fact that a new era's about to start in my life is to make some more or less major changes and just simply put things in order. Why? Because sometimes you just have to say goodbye to the past, cut out and let go on the things that just don't work anymore, no matter how well they did previously. Whether it's about a pair of shoes, a habit or a relationship.

Today I slept in after getting home late from my friend's video game night. Woke up around midday to realize that it was raining outside, my umbrella was missing, my boss had cancelled four out of my five shifts for this week, I was coughing my lungs out and that the day was simply gloomy in many ways. Getting coffee with a bunch of friends made it better though, as it always does.

Maybe it's just better for me to have a couple of days off right now, despite the fact that I'm in desperate need of money. There are 50 blank invitations on my desk waiting to be written and a pile of Australian working visa application forms in by bag to be filled out. Also, I haven't been to the gym in three days, my place is still a mess and I need to go shopping for some necessary graduation stuff. So I guess I should just get my ass up now, turn off my MacBook and start doing something with my horrible time management skills. And be proud of myself for once.

The ocean breeze is salty.

2009-05-07T23:22:00.014+03:00

Mallorca was (because I believe that pictures do speak more than one thousand words)...

The week was filled with quite a lot of sun, heat, good food, spa, shopping and relaxation. In addition to occasional family drama, way too many conversations of golf and not sufficient amount of sangria (because it was simply delicioso). I was too lazy to even try to improve my horrible-sounding Spanish most of the time which was kind of a shame, I'd already forgotten most of the stuff I'd been learning at school all these years, but yeah. Anyhows, to put it simply, it was all good, kind of balancing since I'd spent the weekend before in Amsterdam living it up on my own.

Oh, and we also got to play paparazzis - spotted Tom Felton (a.k.a. Draco Malfoy) having dinner with his girlfriend and family at the same restaurant - one of those 'wtf' moments in your life. Didn't get to snap a pic of him with my Canon thou since I figured he would've probly had enough authority to get us kicked out of the restaurant. Too bad.

On tuesday we got back to see for ourselves that even here in Finland the spring is close to turning into summer - at last, after all this waiting. This time in Helsinki is simply beautiful, the whole city's waking up.

Then, falling right back into reality: this is about the time for me to realize that it's already May 8 and that my graduation is just 3 weeks away - and I still have all the invitations to be made and sent to people I don't even know of, my final grades to be checked and simply hundreds of things to be taken care of. Some of them being not-that-great, including making a dentist-appointment, getting my knee operated and doing the late spring cleaning thingy that I've pushing further and further away from my thoughts all spring long, despite all the time I've had. My weekend's going to be filled with work, cleaning up and, well, listening to my mom's whining about how on earth the invitations are not ready yet.

P.S.

Today Veera called me up and we ended up driving out of town to go flower-shopping for mother's day - and I ended up buying the most adorable thing ever for myself.

I think a pink pineapple cactus was exactly what I needed since my dogs Tiku and Sasha live with my parents - a pet that is weird-looking, colorful and extremely easy to take care of. Suits my apartment and personality perfectly.

Another travellin' song.

2009-05-01T19:11:00.016+03:00

I'm pretty sure that the fact that I'm spending a sunny day in Spain on my MacBook updating my Blogger tells you something about the level of excitement of the vacation I'm having right now. My parents and sisters are on the golf course at the very moment - and what am I doing? Apparently, I'm stuck inside a hotel room - or well, not quite literally 'inside', the good news are that at least I'm able to type this entry on the BALCONY of the hotel room. Ha.

When we arrived here last tuesday I was already prepared for the longest week of my life, since the beginning was quite interesting - I'd been hoping that our hotel would've been located in Palma, the capital city, so that I would've had at least a slight chance of sneaking out to experience the Majorcan night life, out of my parents' reach for ONE NIGHT - but oh no, no, no. As it turned out, my dad had (still not quite sure wether it was by mistake or on purpose) booked a hotel that was located miles away from any civilization at all. The name of the village: Cala Pi; Estimated amount of people living in here: 42. Hurray.

Oh well, nah, seriously speaking it hasn't been that bad. Not as bad as I thought it would be, at least. It's been alright to just relax for a bit and, sure, spend some quality time with my folks. Especially now that I'm leaving within a couple of months again for a whole year, I guess this week was kind of mandatory for me. Also, after this I'll be getting back to work - and work will be the only thing I'll have time to do for the next three months. So I'm trying my best to think of this week as my early (and only) summer vacation. It's just that we've now reached the unavoidable point in any family holiday: the point where everybody's sick of each other. That meaning me being sick of my little sisters singing Katie Perry, my dad's obsessive and passionate talk about golfing and the fact that this is the first moment in four days that I've been able to spend on my own, without any need to talk, listen or argue - believe me, I'm really, really trying to make the very most of it.

I'm also trying to avoid remembering that yesterday was May 30 - the Finnish labor day or "Vappu" as we Finns call it, also known as 'the day of dressing up in the most colorful clothes you can find, go out with your friends and party like there's no tomorrow'. I guess it's just good for me to stay still for a while and relax but right now I'm starting to be in desperate need of some exciting company (=anyone younger than 50 and older than 13 who couldn't care less about golf) and, well, a drink. No, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm LIFE-aholic.

However, there IS something else about this week that I've been extremely excited about: the countryside of Majorca has turned out to be beautiful so I've had quite a lot of use for my Canon 400D.

Pictures, I'll post as soon as I land on the colder side of Europe next tuesday.

Amsterdam.

2009-04-23T00:15:00.022+03:00

...is a city with really, really few things I didn't like. In fact, now that I think about it, I can't think of one thing I didn't. It's one of those places that are extremely easy to fall in love with, in every possible way - very European but at the same time very different. It's like a European version of San Francisco, just as beautiful but smaller and easier to handle. Vivid colors, bohemian and artistic lifestyle, international and very laid-back atmosphere. To me, pretty much perfect.

Four days turned out to pass by extremely fast, yet I still had time to do and see a lot. In the end it seemed like longer period of time than what it really was, in a good way.

Also, travelling on my own turned out to be no problem at all - just the opposite, actually.

So what did I do?

On friday Marianna stopped by the city on her way to another part of the country and we got to spend the afternoon together, strolling around the canals and the Red Light District. After she left, taking hundreds and hundreds of pictures, walking around, (window)shopping, sitting at small cafés and just listening to the sounds of the city and enjoying the heat and the atmosphere was what I mostly did during the day time. On my own I also got to check out some must-see tourist attractions and art exhibitions - Madame Tussauds, Richard Avedon photo gallery (which was one of the many peaks of the weekend, Avedon being my very favorite photographer ever) and - believe it or not, one does exist - The Museum of Marijuana, which cost 7 euros to get in and turned out not to be really worth the money since they didn't even give out free samples. But at least I can say that I've been there.

Speaking of marijuana, it really was absurd at first to walk around and smell cannabis everywhere you went. After a while you got used to it - it's a vital part of their culture and, what surprised me the most, there were no messed up people anywhere. It's just something that they do, spending time at coffee shops smoking weed and having a good time without getting all fucked up and running around the city making fools of themselves, oh no. Sure that's something that definitely would happen if, for instance, Finland decided to loosen up the limitations. But that's the thing, over there people are proud of it and deal with it with obvious respect - they even have marijuana vending machines and yet the most messed up person I saw was myself.

Another thing that makes Amsterdam really stand out of the crowd is the almost ridiculous amount of bicycles.

Seriously, to a foreigner like me it seemed almost insane at first to have a better chance of getting hit by a bike than a car. It's absolutely fantastic - think about how much better place this world would be environmental-wise if all the cities in the world followed the example that Amsterdam is giving out?

20c degrees outside seemed like a heaven to me. In Finland the snow has barely melted while in the Netherlands people are walking around in T-shirts and sandals, even though we're just 2 hours of flying apart from each other. Not fair!

On Sunday my old Swedish friend Maria, her room mates and me got together at Vondelpark, the biggest park in town, to have a picnic and just lie in the sun, listening to some mellow sunday-music, drinking sunday-coffee and enjoying the perfect sunday-weather.

And sure, there was the partying. And, quite frankly, it was some awesome-ass partying we did.

On friday and sunday nights my hostel room mates, Natalia and Ekatarina from Russia and Ingrida from Latvia, took me out. We had dinners at Greek restaurants, beer at coffee shops and a great time at some local clubs and pubs.

Saturday I went out with the Swedish chicks, getting started at their wonderful Dutch apartment and after that ended up discovering Club 8 - the all-time coolest club I'd ever been to in my life - and having one of those nights that are simply too fun to be true. An hour and a half of standing in line and it was still way, way worth the wait. It seemed as if they'd taken their playlist straight from my iPod - indie and electro all night long, in the middle of a huge crowd, dancing and singing our hearts out, despite the fact that the air conditioning didn't work. Yes, still worth it.

Monday night, 23:00, home sweet home.

Packing, unpacking and soon packing again since we're leaving for Mallorca next tuesday with my folks for a week. Right now I'm still all about Amsterdam and don't really know what's going on around me.

What I do know, nonetheless, is that I'll start work tomorrow at five, after a month of being a slacker.

And also that I must return to Amsterdam some day.

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

2009-04-14T16:26:00.006+03:00

Easter seemed to last too long to be true. Too much sleep, too much chocolate, too much food, a decent amount of alcohol (a decent amount=some, but still not enough). Thursday and friday nights were all about friends and house parties. On friday I dressed up in the most uncomfortable outfit I owned (a skirt that barely covered my ass, heels that I barely could walk in) to look like Amy Winehouse for Eeva's Dead Legends & Celebrities -party (I figured that Mrs. Winehouse is going to die within a couple of years anyways so it wouldn't make any difference. Ha.)

Besides gaining weight, easter is also the time of the year when there is no escape from spending some quality time with your family. In my case, it was at our summer cottage. Two days I could handle and it was alright, but after that I was more than ready to go home.

Yes, thank goodness easter is over.

So after all the boring chitchat talk, you actually wanna hear the good, awesome, great news?

Well, after all that complaining last week about boredom I decided to do something about it, despite the fact that no one was willing to join me. I am leaving for Amsterdam this friday for the weekend!! Got the tickets, got the hostel. Yes, all by myself. I think that a trip like this is just what I needed to avoid going insane, to get out of here for a couple of days independently to meet some new people and take photos and do thing that I feel like doing without any need to compromise. Yes, now that I think about it, that's exactly what I need.I don't think it would be even possible for me to be any more sick and tired of Helsinki. Counting down the hours...

Becoming insane.

2009-04-08T01:06:00.008+03:00

Do you know the feeling when suddenly you just seem to lose your sanity for no proper reason at all? I don't even know what happened. No, actually, that's the thing - NOTHING has happened in the past two weeks. In fact, it's been more than two weeks, since February my life has been all about wasting time. No school, no work, no nothing. It was cool for a while, just to stay home and relax and sleep and drink and go to the gym and have friends over and go to occasional parties. But the thing is, I am NOT used to doing nothing. I mean, I always need to have something to look forward to, all the time. I need variety around me, I need to live in a place where there is always stuff to do - but Helsinki, to be honestly, has got to be the dullest capital city in the whole fucking world, at least to me. It's not warm enough to do stuff outside yet, and all people can really do is to go to movies and coffee houses and bars and clubs when they have money to. But I'm not used to a life like that, I need to travel and see the world and meet new people all the time or else I'll go insane. My job won't start before August 20 so I have to figure out something before that or else I'll seriously lose my mind in no time.

Last week was good, thou. It was when I still enjoyed doing nothing. Karo threw a party for her 20th birthday and I dressed up as a glam rocker teenager - glamorous, in a tacky way. But it was fun, for sure.

Last week I also bought 5 CD's and watched an estimated amount of 15 movies and 25 episodes of Sex and the City and 524 hours of crap on TV. I swear, one day I'll get rid of my TV, destroy it and throw it out of my window. And I will feel some unbelievable pleasure doing that. I swear.

On monday I just left, I coudn't stand anything anymore, my apartment seemed to shrink minute by minute, the walls were falling on me, there was no air for me to breathe. So I just took my car and left to see my friend who's studying in another city in Finland. Stayed for an hour and drove back.

I'm going to Mallorca April 28 with my family for a week, but even that seems too distant to be true. I need to get out of here, out of Helsinki, out of my apartment and numbness and boredom and the entire Finland, and I need to do that now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm such a complicated personality at times, nothing seems to be enough and I know it might sound absurd to some people. I'm impatient, I'm too spontaneous and impulsive to be patient and stay still and wait for things to happen. I just can't help it.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to make it to the level called "stable feeling of happiness".

Under the april skies.

2009-04-01T15:52:00.007+03:00

Yesterday was just about a perfect day. As simply as that.

Got to hear such great news about my final exam results in the morning right after waking up, which sure boosted my mood straight up and I couldn't have been happier. After that Maija and I spent the whole afternoon driving around the streets of Helsinki, celebrating freedom, my final results and her brand new driving license. I could sense spring all around me, in the weather, the nature, the people passing by us. Hadn't felt that much alive in a while.

We also accidentally (or well, "accidentally") happened to drive by Ville Valo's house.

The peak of the day.

In the evening all the hundreds of movie quote quizzes on Facebook made me want to do nothing but watch good, artistic and philosophical movies all night long - so I headed to Filmtown to rent a couple of DVDs. Vicky Christina Barcelona was just as good as people had told me and sure became one of my favorites ever. I simply love seeing films that move me in a way or another - this one not only made my fever to travel grow even bigger but also made me realize some things about life. Something about myself, about the world, youth and the differences between people. Mostly things that I knew already but it confirmed them, in a way.

I realized that I've made just the right choices so far in my life, I wouldn't change a thing and I have a strong feeling that I'm heading towards the right direction. Such a good feeling.

Today I'm planning on having some simple but necessary tasks to be taken care of by the end of the day.

Gym, cleaning up the apartment, taking all the empty bottles and cans to the store to be recycled, painting and finally finishing the very last art project I have left to turn in in order to graduate. Yup, sounds about right.

Tomorrow's going to be the day of shopping - there's this huge sale at the largest department store in Helsinki and I'm gonna go and look for some cheap CD's, DVD's and a new tooth brush. If I'm lucky enough I'll survive the crowd and enormous amount of people rushing around and chopping each other's heads just to get some stupid items at a low price.

Blinded by nostalgia.

2009-03-30T16:35:00.006+03:00

How can one say goodbye to a house?

It felt weird to walk into a place that I used to call home when I knew that was probably going to be the last time ever. Even though it's been several years since I really lived there myself and sure I'm happy for my parents that they finally got the house sold after all this time, I still couldn't hold back the tears when walking out of there and closing the door. Not really because of sorrow, rather caused by the feeling of nostalgia. Memories, in addition to the empty space and my own echo bouncing back from the walls, were the only things really left in there. I've always thought that getting attached to buildings is stupid, walls and glass don't make a home by themselves, but there I was, feeling a little hollow anyways. Maybe it's because I've been moving from a house to another all my life and each of them represent some kind of an era, a small part of my own life to me, and closing the doors of one is pretty much the same thing as letting go on the past and being forced to move on. That's just how it goes.

In the evening I headed to Antti's place to gamble a few rounds of Texas hold 'em with some friends of his. I had never really got into the game before but I ended up winning the first round and got all excited about it. Who knows, maybe I'll start to play on a more regular basis from now on. Who knows. But we had a good time for sure, watched some tacky Bollywood movie whose name I can't recall and played Halo until 1am.

I need to get my sleep rhythm under control.

Comfortably numb.

2009-03-28T17:11:00.005+02:00

So, what can I say. I really wasn't supposed to get a Blogger before my departure to the other side of the world in August - but since it's saturday, it's snowing outside and I'm having hard time concentrating on anything progressive because of this major hangover (excuses, excuses), I figured that I might as well get one now and start figuring out how to use this thing. Or maybe I just simply started missing writing unnecessary stuff about myself online in English or, alternatively, got fed up with the simplicity of LJ. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, here I go.

I was unbelievably relieved and - gotta say - surprised to wake up late this afternoon and notice that my apartment was still there, with no holes on the walls, smashed furniture or spilled drinks all over the place. I threw a party last night and there was just the right amount of people, most of my best friends and some new faces among them, the atmosphere was relaxed and fun and I definitely had a blast - despite of the fact that the neighbors knocked on the door to complain twice already before 10pm, but I guess that's just necessary when having a huge bunch of people over dancing and jumping around, playing music loud and smoking cigarettes on the balcony. Um, yeah, now that I think about it, I guess that's unavoidable.

Coffee, pizza and Jackie Brown with two of your friends whose heads are aching just as much as yours - what an awesome way to spend a lazy day-after, with no intentions to leave the comfy couch of your living room in the next 24 hours or so.

Besides a let's-all-be-slackers-and-not-feel-guilty-about-it day today was also the day of Earth Hour - the international attempt to make people realize the importance of making a difference before it's too late. A great idea, definitely. Of course I participated, ending up keeping the lights off for three hours instead of just one. People should do these kinds of things more often since - sadly enough - Facebook is apparently the one and only way to get any messages through to people these days.